The HSP and relationships

HSP = Highly Sensitive Person

How to insure a shaky, crumbling or unhealthy relationship with an HSP

  • Lie or withhold pertinent information.
  • Meet them, not with your authentic self, but with your ego, all the time.
  • Tell themthat their feelings/ perceptions/ attitude/ thoughts/ beliefs/ ideals/ ideas/ truth/ values are wrong or “unacceptable.”
  • Make sure you tell them that how they behave is unacceptable.
  • Tell them what to do, who to be.
  • Keep them under a tight leash, holding them to society’s rules of propriety.
  • Absolutely, under no circumstance, are you to allow them to take care of themselves.
  • Tell them they are rude when they have to nap in the middle of the day when your relatives are here.
  • Tell them they are selfish when they need to take alone time.
  • Get mad at them often in their struggle for self.
  • Get mad at them and make sure to tell them so, when their feelings, beliefs or actions do not align themselves with yours.
  • Make sure to browbeat them into your way of thinking and often
  • Play loud music and keep all the lights on all over the place all the time and to really make sure, run the washer/dryer and keep all televisions on for total insurance.
  • Rarely divulge yourself.
  • Make sure to let them know who is in charge: Tell them what you will do, with or without their consent, as it pertains to the relationship you both are engaged in.

Follow these instructions fully or partly – to the best of your ability, while simutaneously telling them you love them – and watch the HSP do one, all, or some of the following:

Withdraw, get sick, isolate, shut down, quit talking, quit emoting, feign interest, look blank or vacuous, start drinking heavily (or relapse if in recovery), start using drugs (or relapse if in recovery), starve, overeat particularly sugar, self-harm (cut, mouth bite), and/or leave the relationship finally.

How to foster a healthy relationship with an HSP

Talk to them and bring to the table your self. The HSP has little interest in the mask you present to the world. Just because the HSP won’t comment on it ~ due to her experiences in sensitivity ~ does not mean you are not the subject of talk among his/her close friendships. Yes, they talk about your ego-centricism because she will surround herself with other HSP’s.

Ego is a sore spot for them, often having been somewhat ill-treated by the ego’s of others due to their HSP-ness.

Ask if there is anything you can do and mean it. Even if you cannot understand their feelings about something, give to them the understanding that they have the right to feel anything they feel. Show you support them.

Honor their need for alone time and quiet. Honor their ability to know what they need. Understand that as high maintenance as the HSP seems sometimes, it’s simply not true.

If your HSP is having issue after issue or the same one continues repeating, it’s because there has been no sufficient resolution. It will keep being an issue if the partner interrupts the process by telling the HSP that is wrong, by arguing the HSP down, by trying to talk them out of or into something, by berating them etc.

In my experience this can often be resolved with one 20 minute session of sitting down, listening to the HSP tell their truth in something and a sincere attempt for the partner to understand where they are coming from without negating.

Follow these instructions fully or partly – to the best of your ability, while simultaneously telling them you love them – and watch the HSP do one, all or some of the following:

  • Flourish in day to day life,
  • Become and remain optimistic,
  • Smile a lot, laugh, talk a lot,
  • Unleash their creative side,
  • Trust you,
  • Believe people are inherently good,
  • Will help you in anything you need help in,
  • Will honor and respect you,
  • Will brag about your virtues,
  • Will want to help others,
  • Will get sick less often or hardly,
  • Your luck will seem to change for the better almost magically,
  • Good feelings will become mainstays and you’ll, as the partner, wonder how the world was never this beautiful before.

Sursa

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Qualities of highly sensitive souls

Here is a list of qualities of Highly Sensitive Souls that I have developed, based on the work of Dr. Elaine Aron and on my own experience.  According to Aron, HSPs comprise about 15 to 20% of the population.

Characteristics of Highly Sensitive Souls

  • extremely intuitive
  • highly aware, keenly observant
  • attuned to the subtleties of the surrounding environment light, noise, sound, temperature etc.
  • emotionally sensitive and caring, easily affected by the energy and emotions of others
  • often empathic or psychic
  • experience emotions with great intensity and depth
  • have a lower tolerance for stimulation than others
  • need adequate rest, nutrition and time alone to feel balanced
  • highly conscientious
  • intense, passionate, emotional
  • able to concentrate deeply with uninterrupted time
  • prefer to work independently
  • process information deeply and from many sources of information
  • often more right-brained, artistic
  • often feel very different than “everyone else”
  • have a rich, complex inner life – often highly imaginative
  • often seen by others as sensitive or shy
  • often introverted, though 30% of HSPs are “socially extroverted” according to Dr. Aron
  • can get extremely engaged with work and ideas
  • often prefer to avoid news and TV
  • have an important role to play in society as advisors, sages or prophets

One of the absolutely most important things I’ve learned as Highly Sensitive Soul is to STOP asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?” if I ever felt uncomfortable or unhappy.

In my experience, I was so often different than others around me, that I learned to ask myself this question early on. Now I ask myself, “What’s my intuition telling me right now?”  What a gift to myself!

Sursa

Highly sensitive people

Now, as an introduction to the trait of high sensitivity, see if some of these statements resonate with you or relate to someone important in your life…

  • You, your partner or someone important to you have a heightened awareness of subtleties in your environment, whether it’s sight, sound, touch, taste or smell.
  • You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may find it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek solitude, relief and comfort.
  • You can become stressed out and upset when overwhelmed and may find it necessary to get away, maybe into a darkened room, to seek solitude, relief and comfort.
  • You are very creative.
  • You are very conscientious, hard working and meticulous, but may become uncomfortable and less efficient or productive when being watched or scrutinized.
  • You feel compelled to file and organize things and thoughts, also enjoy simplicity and may become overwhelmed or even immobilized by chaos, clutter or stress.
  • You are very uncomfortable when feeling things are getting out of your control.
  • You get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean or even a fountain.
  • You may experience mood swings, sometimes occurring almost instantly and can also be affected by other people’s moods, emotions and problems.
  • You have a deep, rich, inner life, are very spiritual and may also have vivid dreams.
  • You are very intuitive and you feel that you can usually sense if someone isn’t telling the truth or if something else is wrong.
  • You get concerned and think or worry about many things and have also been told “you take things too personally.”
  • You have had the experience of “cutting people out” of your life.
  • You were considered quiet, introverted, timid or shy as a child.

Here are a few more to consider… Can be startled easily. Cautious in new situations. May have trouble sleeping. Extra sensitive to pain. Don’t like crowds (unless they are kindred spirits). Avoids violent movies and TV shows. Has a deep respect and appreciation of nature, music and art.

Sursa

Energy protection for highly sensitive people

Okay, you’ve determined that you are one of the highly sensitive people or Energy Healers — the people on the planet who can . . .

  • Sense energies
  • Perceive things others can’t
  • Pick up information from unknown sources (psi talents)
  • Take on Energy Fields
  • Feel the emotions of others around you or
  • Heal through nonphysical means

Highly sensitive people and Energy Healers are particularly susceptible to illness of body, mind, and emotions. It’s because you are bombarded daily with energies that affect you. And because you don’t know how to keep yourself from energetic harm.

So you must take action to protect yourself!

These are not skills that our culture teaches, because our society is ignorant of energies and the needs of highly sensitive people.

It is crucial for you as a highly sensitive person to take care of yourself in the onslaught of these energy fields.

And it is vital for you as an Energy Healer to learn command of your mind.

This article will show you how.

Your First Line of Energy Defense

The most important thing is to realise that you’re not crazy and you’re not making this up.

A common experience for highly sensitive people is not being believed. Your emotions may be all over the place; you may have symptoms no doctor can figure out; you may see things no one else can see.

But thinking it’s unreal only compounds the problem.

The second most important thing is that you do these things to help yourself.

Thinking about them isn’t enough. It’s a start… it can lead to doing them. Until you actually start living this way, though, you are flirting with danger.

Try it. Follow this program for a week,or better still a month.

Watch the difference in how you feel and how well your life works.

Commit Yourself To Optimism

Anyone who is intelligent and aware in these “interesting times” knows that there is plenty of bad news and doomsday hints.

Add to that being extremely sensitive and it is all too easy to fall into despair and hopelessness.

Don’t do it!!

No matter how tempting, how “realistic” or how inevitable it seems, you must avoid despair as much as possible.

Despair and hopelessness are the “dark side of the Force.” They will feed the forces of destruction just as fast as a coal-burning powerplant.

Especially when you are one of the highly sensitive people, someone who is closely intertwined with the earth energy field, you must be aware of what energy you are feeding into the world. Because every emotion you have, is a vibration that goes out to create more of itself in the world!

The earth energy field cannot afford any negativity!

Stay in hope. There are lots of signs that the world is changing in a positive way, that humanity is spiritually evolving.

This is possibly the most important thing you can do for your own well-being, as well as Mother Earth’s.

Become Aware Of What Is And Isn’t Yours

Highly sensitive people often take on other people’s energy and emotions. The first thing is to realize a crucial truth: IT’S OFTEN NOT YOURS.

You will be feeling things and you won’t realize that it’s not really your emotion, but one you’ve “caught” like a virus! Set up some safeguards for yourself.

  • Put notes around the house where you are likely to be, saying: “Check it out: is this mine?”
  • You can get a buddy system with friends who tends to be in sync with the energies. Check in every morning to see if you are having similar experiences.

It is such a relief to realize it’s not you! It’s not that you are messed up or crazy. It’s just that you’ve picked up an energy field, like a virus.

That is so easy to forget, especially while it’s happening!

What a weight off!

Feeling this relief alone is worth the little trouble of a few daily practices.

Once you realize it’s not yours, you can take appropriate action to help yourself, like these below. You will feel a lot better.

Do Your Emotional Work

Sometimes those feelings are yours. Awareness is necessary. You can’t avoid your own issues by blaming everything on energy fields.

Unpleasant, “negative” emotions are flags that something is wrong.

However, most people think it means that something is wrong in their life…

  • I’m angry because I didn’t get that job.
  • I’m sad because he’s not treating me nice.
  • I’m worried because I don’t know what will happen.

This is a delusion.

Negative emotions signal that something is going awry inside your mind. It is your thoughts that are messed up, not anything outside you.

When you have negative emotions, it’s a signal that you are telling yourself faulty ideas. You’re thinking in the wrong direction. You’re thinking you are separate from the Divine, an isolated individual, a human who is alive now and can die.

Take command of your thoughts.

Transform thoughts and beliefs that make you feel less happy for ones that make you feel more happy.

This obviously means that repressing your emotions, stuffing them down inside you is not going to help. All that does is bury the problem. It’s like disguising an infected finger by wearing gloves.

Not only does the problem escalate, when it’s shoved into the subconscious, but you also deny yourself one of the best tools the Divine has ever given you!

You must learn to understand what you are feeling, why you are feeling it and what thoughts are creating those emotions.

And then you must learn how to transform those emotions into what Swami Radha calls “refined feelings.” That is, feelings more aligned with Truth, with the Divine.

Because dwelling on those megative emotions is possibly even more harmful than repressing them!

As Wayne Dyer says, in How to Get What You Really Want, “To the extent that you dwell on negative emotions you will attract that in your life.”

Take Care of Your Physical Self

Much of the danger to highly sensitive people and Energy Healers can be averted by simple good health.

Highly sensitive people and Energy Healers are more porous, more susceptible to negative energy when tired, weak or ill. So anything you can do to promote your best health will protect you on an energy level.

Those basics are:

  • Regular healthy meals: organic, well-rounded, less-processed
  • Regular aerobic exercise and gentle stretching
  • Plenty of sleep
  • Mid-day relaxation
  • Meditation and plenty of quiet time to yourself
  • Water! Lots and lots of pure water (Water also absorbs and flushes negativity).

Minimize Negative Inputs

Everything has an energy. As Dr. David Hawkins writes, in Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, everything you come in contact with is giving off vibrations — music, books, tv shows, everything. Those vibrations reflect the energy of the person who made them, at the time of its creation.

And we pick up these emotions, when we are exposed to those things.

Highly sensitive people in particular are vulnerable to taking on these energies in our own bodies.

For that reason, IT IS VITAL to be conscious of what you are exposed to.

Avoid:

  • News in any form
  • TV shows (excluding Public Television)
  • Music that is less than inspiring
  • Movies that produce anything other than feelings of joy, hope, peace, and love
  • Books and magazines aimed at stimulating fear, anger, greed, competition, self-rejection, etc.
  • Gossip (talking about other people, even if what you’re saying is complimentary)
  • Negative people.

In short, stay away from anything that makes you feel less than harmonious.

The hardest one to avoid is often negative people, especially in the beginning. You’ve probably got some in your life and you may not want to exclude them. (This can include friends, co-workers, family, even pets.)

Just be aware that the more of these things you let into your life, the more you will be saturated with negative energy and the more work you will need to do simply to maintain equilibrium.

As Wayne Dyer says, “Some people exude negative energy because of their lifestyle, friends and thinking habits. They could be sending it out all the time or just part of the time. To the degree that you are sensitive and porous, being around these people will actually make you sick.

Other people can get away with exposing themselves to all kinds of toxic energy. (Or, actually, they just don’t notice the effects as much.)

But highly sensitive people ingest toxic energies at their own risk!

Once you start reducing the amount of negative energy you take in, you will notice immediately when something has a bad energy. And you will feel much better when you limit your exposure!

Maximize Positive Inputs

Reducing toxic energy is only half the process. It’s like giving up eating high-fat, highly-processed fast-foods. You still need to eat food that is good for you.

Immerse yourself in positive thoughts and allow yourself to really FEEL good. This is one of the best things highly sensitive people can do for themselves.

Give yourself inspiring, uplifting entertainment…

  • Read inspirational books
  • Listen to uplifting CDs
  • Watch motivating DVDs
  • Spend a lot of time with nature and animals
  • Take meditation retreats
  • Sing spiritual songs and mantras all day long
  • Do fun, nurturing things like drawing mandalas, writing poetry, baking pastries… whatever inspires you and makes you feel glad to be alive
  • Be in silence for at least 20 minutes every single day.

The most important moments are when you are tired and near sleep or just waking up.

No matter what else you do, use these moments at the threshold of consciousness to think of positive things and generate positive energy in yourself.

This may be the most important thing highly sensitive people can do for themselves.

Feng Shui First Aid

A little feng shui can do highly sensitive people a lot of good!

The basics of feng shui to be aware of in this situation are…

  • Keep things both clean and tidy
  • Avoid clutter!
  • Keep things working properly – fix things that are broken or not working well
  • Avoid clutter!
  • Keep plenty of real plants and water around
  • Avoid clutter!

Discharging Negative Energy & Clarifying Your Energy Field

The second line of defense for highly sensitive people and energy healers is to…

  • discharge accumulated negative energy
  • purify and strengthen the boundaries of your personal energy field.

Discharging Negative Energy

As you know from other articles in this section, as a highly sensitive person you are vulnerable to taking on energy from people and energy fields around you.

These then feel like your own negativity. You will feel sick or angry or despairing or exhausted – thinking it’s got something to do with you, when in fact you’ve just absorbed that negative energy like a sponge!

For your health and well-being, you must discharge this accumulated negative energy.

Think of it like dusting your soul… daily housecleaning for highly sensitive people.

How to Discharge Negative Energy

Start by entering sacred space. Meditation is the best way to do that, when you are discharging negative energy.

Spend at least a few minutes in a meditative state, to open your connection to the Source of positive energy.

Then imagine all the negative energy that has collected within you. You might picture it as like a shadow or a heaviness, etc. Imagine it gathering together from all parts of your body and mind and moving toward the palms of your hands.

Put your palms on the Earth or in water. Or at least facing towards one of these elements.

I recommend

  • wild water – water flowing free – as best
  • water with sea salt added as second best
  • water you can enter with your body – like a bath or shower – third,
  • any other container of water after that

If you can’t reach either Earth or water, you can aim your palms toward fire (even a candleflame).

Allow the negative energy to move out of you and into that element.

At the same time, you can make a simple prayer for the Divine to fill you with Divine energy and take from you this negative emotion or energy.

Continue until you feel clear.

Earth, Fire, and Water all have an innate ability to take negative energy and transform it into something beneficial. It’s much the same as the way plant life takes in carbon dioxide and changes it into good fresh oxygen.

So giving negative energy to these sources can’t harm anything. In fact, it becomes the raw material for life-giving positive energy.

Do this as much as you need — there’s no such thing as too much discharging!

Most highly sensitive people will need this every day. If you are surrounded by things that are stressful or negatively charged, use it more often.

With practice, you will be able to discharge negative energy very quickly, no matter where you are. A shower is a great place or standing under a tree or in the sunlight or moonlight works as well.

Clarifying Your Energy Field

Now that you have cleansed your energy field, you need to actively purify and strengthen your personal energy field.

The basic idea is twofold…

  1. You draw a boundary around your personal energy field. You make your own field more solid, less permeable. And you tune it to accepting only positive energy. This helps keep unwanted other energies out.
  2. You fill your personal energy field with positive, healing energies.

There are various ways to do this. One of the best ways I know to empower and positively-charge this energy boundary is using the Divine Light Invocation.

Or a simpler version of a Light visualizations . . . Imagine and feel yourself being filled with Light. Imagine being radiant with light, like a temple shining out in the night. Feel and enjoy the great sense of well-being this gives.

You can do this one anywhere, at any time. It makes a good complement to the Divine Light Invocation.

Sursa