HSP = Highly Sensitive Person
How to insure a shaky, crumbling or unhealthy relationship with an HSP
- Lie or withhold pertinent information.
- Meet them, not with your authentic self, but with your ego, all the time.
- Tell themthat their feelings/ perceptions/ attitude/ thoughts/ beliefs/ ideals/ ideas/ truth/ values are wrong or “unacceptable.”
- Make sure you tell them that how they behave is unacceptable.
- Tell them what to do, who to be.
- Keep them under a tight leash, holding them to society’s rules of propriety.
- Absolutely, under no circumstance, are you to allow them to take care of themselves.
- Tell them they are rude when they have to nap in the middle of the day when your relatives are here.
- Tell them they are selfish when they need to take alone time.
- Get mad at them often in their struggle for self.
- Get mad at them and make sure to tell them so, when their feelings, beliefs or actions do not align themselves with yours.
- Make sure to browbeat them into your way of thinking and often
- Play loud music and keep all the lights on all over the place all the time and to really make sure, run the washer/dryer and keep all televisions on for total insurance.
- Rarely divulge yourself.
- Make sure to let them know who is in charge: Tell them what you will do, with or without their consent, as it pertains to the relationship you both are engaged in.
Follow these instructions fully or partly – to the best of your ability, while simutaneously telling them you love them – and watch the HSP do one, all, or some of the following:
Withdraw, get sick, isolate, shut down, quit talking, quit emoting, feign interest, look blank or vacuous, start drinking heavily (or relapse if in recovery), start using drugs (or relapse if in recovery), starve, overeat particularly sugar, self-harm (cut, mouth bite), and/or leave the relationship finally.
How to foster a healthy relationship with an HSP
Talk to them and bring to the table your self. The HSP has little interest in the mask you present to the world. Just because the HSP won’t comment on it ~ due to her experiences in sensitivity ~ does not mean you are not the subject of talk among his/her close friendships. Yes, they talk about your ego-centricism because she will surround herself with other HSP’s.
Ego is a sore spot for them, often having been somewhat ill-treated by the ego’s of others due to their HSP-ness.
Ask if there is anything you can do and mean it. Even if you cannot understand their feelings about something, give to them the understanding that they have the right to feel anything they feel. Show you support them.
Honor their need for alone time and quiet. Honor their ability to know what they need. Understand that as high maintenance as the HSP seems sometimes, it’s simply not true.
If your HSP is having issue after issue or the same one continues repeating, it’s because there has been no sufficient resolution. It will keep being an issue if the partner interrupts the process by telling the HSP that is wrong, by arguing the HSP down, by trying to talk them out of or into something, by berating them etc.
In my experience this can often be resolved with one 20 minute session of sitting down, listening to the HSP tell their truth in something and a sincere attempt for the partner to understand where they are coming from without negating.
Follow these instructions fully or partly – to the best of your ability, while simultaneously telling them you love them – and watch the HSP do one, all or some of the following:
- Flourish in day to day life,
- Become and remain optimistic,
- Smile a lot, laugh, talk a lot,
- Unleash their creative side,
- Trust you,
- Believe people are inherently good,
- Will help you in anything you need help in,
- Will honor and respect you,
- Will brag about your virtues,
- Will want to help others,
- Will get sick less often or hardly,
- Your luck will seem to change for the better almost magically,
- Good feelings will become mainstays and you’ll, as the partner, wonder how the world was never this beautiful before.